Alex Skeel

So, I'm a bit of a feminist. I believe in gender equality. So I'm quite ashamed to say that I had been avoiding watching this documentary for a while as I honestly wasn't sure how I'd take it. Having been a female victim of domestic abuse by a male perpetrator, I can openly admit I have a bit of work to do before I can say that I don't feel slightly intimidated by men and the power that they could exert over me given the chance. Don't get me wrong, I'm the first to point out that victims of domestic violence can be male or female, and that domestic abuse is domestic abuse, regardless of the gender, but given my personal experiences I found it difficult to imagine a woman being able to control and abuse a man.

I'm nice. Some people say too nice. I see the good in anyone, I forgive mistakes, I'm a massive believer in second chances. This also makes me, in the nicest way possible, a bit of a pushover. It's got me in situations where I've been taken advantage of and it played a big part in the beginning of a relationship which, at times, broke me, and which I'm still trying to recover from now.

For anyone who doesn't know, Alex Skeel met Jordan Worth when they were both 16. They hit it off, ended up together and Jordan soon became steadily more controlling of Alex, around things like what he could wear and who he could spend time with. Over the following 5 years, Jordan managed to isolate Alex entirely from his family and friends. she had two children to Alex and controlled every aspect of his life. Jordan then went on to subject Alex to horrific physical violence which often resulted in hospital treatment, including throwing boiling water over him and attacking him with a hammer. When Alex finally opened up about the abuse he had been suffering, he was malnourished, horrendously beaten and was told by professionals that he was just 10 days away from death.

I honestly don't think I stopped crying the whole way through the programme. The accounts from Alex's friends and family absolutely broke my heart. They couldn't see him. Couldn't contact him. The family were a nice, hardworking close family, just like mine. Alex wasn't a vulnerable person, he was nice and he met someone that he wanted to make happy, despite any issues she might have. Like me. He lost friends and family during the relationship and he had children with his abuser, who I can completely understand gave him a reason to stay in the relationship.

It took me a year after my daughter was born to finally get the courage to leave my partner. My logic was that I could protect my baby from him if I was there all the time, that if he didn't have her alone, he wouldn't have the opportunity to treat her in the same way that he did me. To emotionally and psychologically abuse and manipulate her. To make her feel like she wasn't enough. So I cannot imagine how impossible it would have been for Alex to consider leaving the mother of his young children knowing that they would likely be living with her.

It can be hard to understand why people stay in abusive relationships. Why people put up with it.
It can be hard to understand how people don't see the signs. It can be hard to understand how people can be made to change every element of their lives by another person. I still don't understand it myself. But what I do know is that being on the receiving end of the control is absolutely terrifying. It's lonely. It's frustrating and it feels completely hopeless at times. I can remember being so angry with myself for tolerating it and not understanding what was happening sooner. But it just isn't that simple.

I am so pleased that Alex Skeel has decided to go public with his story, I'm so pleased that I had the opportunity to watch his story and understand how domestic abuse by women can develop in the same ways it can by men. I'm so pleased that Alex is raising awareness that domestic abuse can literally happen to anyone. Male, female, old, young, rich, poor. A single mum on benefits could be as much of a victim as a doctor with a huge network of family and friends and financial security.

If you haven't already watched it, please do. It's such a tough watch but my god it's important.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p0700912/abused-by-my-girlfriend